Good afternoon Doll Babies!
When I decided to do Girl Talk Tuesdays I thought I’d get a few comments at best. NEVER did I think you ladies would email me to share your experiences and really want The Mob’s 2 cents! So yeeah. Im excited! Keep the emails coming (firstname.lastname@example.org) and check back here for advice from the mob!
On to Girl Talk:
our first letter reads…
I am a 35 year old single parent, business owner, and student who after 4 years without my husband who died in Iraq I figured it was about time I try my hand at dating again. The list of reasons I haven’t been on a date in 4 years is extensive so I’ll spare you the entire thing but top 2:1)Things are so different now, people are crazy, and I have a daughter to protect. 2)I know no one will ever be able to replace my Sean.
About a month ago. I started seeing a guy I met on Eharmony. He came off really nice online, handsome, ambitious etc. All the things I would be looking for in a date. We talked on the phone for a while (about 2 weeks) and we decided at the end of week 3 we’d go on our date.
He made reservations to a really nice place, he was gorgeous and had perfect manners when we arrived. Holding doors, pulling out chairs, the whole 9. The perfect date…..or so I thought. After talking about himself for an hour straight and showing no interest at all in who I was as a person, he then went on a rant about how women are destroying the world with our vanity. I can admit, I was only half way tuned in at this point, my mind had traveled to what my angel was doing while she was with my sister and I was here listening to this guy. But that……that caught my attention. He goes on to say we ruin the economy by investing in weaves, makeup and nails (all which I had at the moment).
I guess I looked how I felt , offended, because he told me I didn’t need any of that to be beautiful. THEN it all went to h*$%. He asked me, at the table in this nice restaurant, to take my makeup off “for him” so he could see my “true beauty”. First of all I wasn’t wearing much makeup at all. It was a date so I did a nude lips and neutral but smokey eye. Really, really light highlight and contour. I didn’t see the problem. I declined not so politely but agreed that if we could get through dinner I would. I mean, I’m not ashamed of my face by any means. Dinner was over, I got the tab, and as promised I grabbed my makeup remover wipes and took of my makeup in the car (in the parking lot bc he was a sending up some red flags lol.)
There I was bare faced and vulnerable, waiting for………………waiting for………validation from this guy I just met who I barely liked. None came. He says “Everybody cant be flawless like me 8 outta 10 ain’t bad” and laughed a little. I kept it cute and didn’t show him how much that impacted me but the moment I got home I deleted my eharmony account and vowed I’d never date again.
I haven’t been on the scene in a while so help me out. Is this what dating is like now a days? Did I go too far with the whole makeup thing? Should I take his criticism as constructive and make changes? He’s been calling and I cant bring myself to answer, but a part of me thinks he likes because he won’t stop calling….
Ok Doll……where ever you are I need you to know that ALL I’m about to say to you is being said out of love….absolutely no shade involved.It wouldn’t be girl talk if we didn’t keep it real. If I offend you feel free to write in (email@example.com) and we can talk it out….but I’m obligated by the mob to give it to you straight. No chasers lol.
The question you should be asking isn’t even in the ball park of “Does he like you“. The question you need ask yourself is more along the lines of “Do I like me?”
1st– The only thing that matters; beyond the constant calls and how gorgeous your date was, is that you didn’t like him and to state the obvious he made you feel horrible. 8 out of 10 ain’t bad? I can’t tell you what my reaction would be but I can tell you I commend you “keeping it cute”. Bc Hunni that would have been the furthest thing from my mind!
2nd– It’s been a while since you’ve been in the game so to speak but it hasn’t been that long. A good prospect….someone you’d want around your child (daughter at that) long term, is going to be someone who is interested in the person you are. Someone who supports you, and encourages you. They want to know about your day, what you like and dislike, what you’ve been through. The fact that he didn’t ask you a single thing about yourself AND further over looked you and your emotions by speaking badly on obvious physical choices you’ve made should be more than a red flag. They should be an exit sign. Guys know women are sensitive. We’re built that way and that’s one of the things real men love about a woman, so if he ignored your sensitivity and basically gave you his hinney to kiss. I wouldn’t care how many times he called. When he thought of me he’d be thinking of palm trees bc of all the…..
3-If when you left the house with your nude lips and smokey eyes and took that last look in the mirror you smiled that “I’m bad” smile at that reflection….who cares what his opinion is on the way you spend YOUR money. How dare he expect you to take your makeup off “for him” opposed to admiring the time you spent getting nice for this date from hell. And to ask at dinner after you picked up the tab? Oh girl….
In closing lol…..I believe that you teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. It was admirable that you remained a lady and kept it cute while you were dying inside BUT what does that say about how much effort you put into protecting you? You don’t have to fight him but do you have to take it?
I bet you were sitting there thinking of all the things you would say to him if it wouldn’t make him think you were a bad word. You may have even walked out and said forget the date had he not been so attractive. You allowed him to get you in an even more vulnerable state than the one you were already in by wiping your makeup off in the parking lot which in my opinion he did nothing to deserve. Not so much taking the makeup off (that’s included) but more so the trust it takes to be in such a state of vulnerability.
I understand you not being ashamed of your face but again… in my opinion Regardless of how cute he is, or how established he is, or how charming he is blah blah blah ……he doesn’t get to make you feel like crap. He stripped you of more than your makeup in that one date and I’m sure he noted that you didn’t take it so badly. Hence the calls.
This is what you call a bad date. They aren’t all like that but they sure make you appreciate the ones who get it right! Anyway, I personally DON’T LIKE HIM lol and not because he doesn’t like makeup. It’s not what you do….it’s how you do it. From what you’re saying it seems like he’d be the type to make several emotional withdraws and make little to no deposits which leaves you OVER drawn and that’s not a good look. As you said you have a daughter to protect and raise and that requires a strong and confident mommy. Would you advise her to continue to date a man who made her feel the way he made you feel?
We’re all adults…..you have needs, and 4 years may haveclouded your judgement a little bit baby. Be responsible but handle your business lol “to keep it cute” OR wait it out. Just know every man you date isn’t going to sweep you off your feet, meet your daughter, propose, etc and that’s okay. It’ll all happen in due time and that may not be next time but in the mean time TAKE CARE OF YOU GIRL. Settling never = long term happiness.
SN: First, they amount our worth to something that’s skin deep and wonder why we choose vanity…… smh
What do you think about our dolls date? Did she go to far by removing her makeup for her date? What would you have done? DO let us know and remember…
The mob is nothing without You ❤