Girl Talk Tuesday: Our first Letter to the Mob

The Doll Mob Blog Spot (2)

Good afternoon Doll Babies!

When I decided to do Girl Talk Tuesdays I thought I’d get a few comments at best. NEVER did I think you ladies would email me to share your experiences and really want The Mob’s 2 cents!  So yeeah. Im excited! Keep the emails coming (thedollmob@gmail.com) and check back here for advice from the mob!

On to Girl Talk:

our first letter reads…

Dear Dolls,

I am a 35 year old single parent, business owner, and student who after 4 years without my husband  who died in Iraq I figured it was about time I try my hand at dating again. The list of reasons I haven’t been on a date in 4 years is extensive so I’ll spare you the entire thing but top 2:1)Things are so different now, people are crazy, and I have a daughter to protect. 2)I know no one will ever be able to replace my Sean.

About a month ago. I started seeing a guy I met on Eharmony. He came off really nice online, handsome, ambitious etc. All the things I would be looking for in  a date. We talked on the phone for a while (about 2 weeks) and we decided at the end of week 3 we’d go on our date.

He made reservations to a really nice place, he was gorgeous and had perfect manners when we arrived. Holding doors, pulling out chairs, the whole 9. The perfect date…..or so I thought. After talking about himself for an hour straight and showing no interest at all in who I was as a person, he then went on a rant about how women are destroying the world with our vanity. I can admit, I was only half way tuned in at this point, my mind had traveled to what my angel was doing while she was with my sister and I was here listening to this guy. But that……that caught my attention. He goes on to say we ruin the economy by investing in weaves, makeup and nails (all which I had at the moment).

I guess I looked how I felt , offended, because he told me I didn’t need any of that to be beautiful. THEN it all went to h*$%. He asked me, at the table in this nice restaurant, to take my makeup off “for him” so he could see my “true beauty”. First of all I wasn’t wearing much makeup at all. It was a date so I did a nude lips and neutral but smokey eye. Really, really light highlight and contour. I didn’t see the problem. I declined not so politely but agreed that if we could get through dinner I would. I mean, I’m not ashamed of my face by any means. Dinner was over, I got the tab, and as promised I grabbed my makeup remover wipes and took of my makeup in the car (in the parking lot bc he was a sending up some red flags lol.)

There I was bare faced and vulnerable, waiting for………………waiting for………validation from this guy I just met who I barely liked. None came. He says “Everybody cant be flawless like me 8 outta 10 ain’t bad” and laughed a little. I kept it cute and didn’t show him how much that impacted me but the moment I got home I deleted my eharmony account and vowed I’d never date again.

I haven’t been on the scene in a while so help me out. Is this what dating is like now a days? Did I go too far with the whole makeup thing? Should I take his criticism as constructive and make changes? He’s been calling and I cant bring myself to answer, but a part of me thinks he likes because he won’t stop calling….

Chyle

Ok Doll……where ever you are I need you to know that ALL I’m about to say to you is being said out of love….absolutely no shade involved.It wouldn’t be girl talk if we didn’t keep it real.  If I offend you feel free to write in (thedollmob@gmail.com) and we can talk it out….but I’m obligated by the mob to give it to you straight. No chasers lol.

My reaction:

Oh dear

The question you should be asking isn’t even in the ball park of “Does he like you“. The question you need ask yourself is more along the lines of “Do I like me?”

invisible crown

1st– The only thing that matters; beyond the constant calls and how gorgeous your date was, is that you didn’t like him and to state the obvious he made you feel horrible. 8 out of 10 ain’t bad? I can’t tell you what my reaction would be but I can tell you I commend you “keeping it cute”. Bc Hunni that would have been the furthest thing from my mind!

GURL

2nd– It’s been a while since you’ve been in the game so to speak but it hasn’t been that long. A good prospect….someone you’d want around your child (daughter at that) long term, is going to be someone who is interested in the person you are. Someone who supports you, and encourages you. They want to know about your day, what you like and dislike, what you’ve been through. The fact that he didn’t ask you a single thing about yourself AND further over looked you and your emotions by speaking badly on obvious physical choices you’ve made should be more than a red flag. They should be an exit sign. Guys know women are sensitive. We’re built that way and that’s one of the things real men love about a woman, so if he ignored your sensitivity and basically gave you his  hinney to kiss. I wouldn’t care how many times he called. When he thought of me he’d be thinking of palm trees bc of all the…..

shade in action

3-If when you left the house with your nude lips and smokey eyes and took that last look in the mirror you smiled that “I’m bad” smile at that reflection….who cares what his opinion is on the way you spend YOUR money.  How dare he expect you to take your makeup off “for him” opposed to admiring the time you spent getting nice for this date from hell. And to ask at dinner after you picked up the tab? Oh girl….

*Exhale*

In closing lol…..I believe that you teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. It was admirable that you remained a lady and kept it cute while you were dying inside BUT what does that say about how much effort you put into protecting you? You don’t have to fight him but do you have to take it?

I bet you were sitting there thinking of all the things you would say to him if it wouldn’t make him think you were a bad word. You may have even walked out and said forget the date had he not been so attractive. You allowed him to get you in an even more vulnerable state than the one you were already in by wiping your makeup off in the parking lot which in my opinion he did nothing to deserve. Not so much taking the makeup off (that’s included) but more so the trust it takes to be in such a state of vulnerability.

I understand you not being ashamed of your face but again… in my opinion  Regardless of how cute he is, or how established he is, or how charming he is blah blah blah ……he doesn’t get to make you feel like crap. He stripped you of more than your makeup in that one date and I’m sure he noted that you didn’t take it so badly. Hence the calls.

This is what you call a bad date. They aren’t all like that but they sure make you appreciate the ones who get it right! Anyway, I personally DON’T LIKE HIM lol and not because he doesn’t like makeup. It’s not what you do….it’s how you do it.  From what you’re saying it seems like he’d be the type to make several emotional withdraws and make little to no deposits which leaves you OVER drawn and that’s not a good look. As you said you have a daughter to protect and raise and that requires a strong and confident mommy. Would you advise her to continue to date a man who made her feel the way he made you feel?No ma am

We’re all adults…..you have needs, and 4 years may haveclouded your judgement a little bit baby. Be responsible but handle your business lol “to keep it cute” OR wait it out. Just know every man you date isn’t going to sweep you off your feet, meet your daughter, propose, etc and that’s okay. It’ll all happen in due time and that may not be next time but in the mean time TAKE CARE OF YOU GIRL. Settling never = long term happiness.

SN: First, they amount our worth to something that’s skin deep and wonder why we choose vanity…… smh

What do you think about our dolls date? Did she go to far by removing her makeup for her date? What would you have done? DO let us know and remember…

The mob is nothing without You ❤

Your own kind of beautiful (2)

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Girl Talk Tuesday: Our first Letter to the Mob

  1. Nightmare from hell is an understatement. He was really rude and inconsiderate and someone who liked you, for the right reasons anyway, would never treat you that way. I agree with the mob NEVER SETTLE. It always ends in regret. 4 years…handsome.. and all he isn’t the one to relieve even that frustration. He doesn’t deserve to see your face again with or without makeup let alone your body.

    You most definitely went to far by taking off your makeup. Who is he?? Definitely not the next man you’ll be taking around your child. Not the man who wants you to be the person you think is beautiful or someone you’re proud of. Change his # to Do NOT ANSWER, go back to eharmony or where ever, beat your face, and put your big girl panties on.

    It’s going to be hard sometimes, boring sometimes and crazy sometimes but you’ll love the woman you are when it’s all over if you do it right.

    Great read & advice @TheDollMob….
    New Subbie

  2. Woooooo chile! I haven’t been on a first date in almost 8 years but I would have needed Jesus to be a fence! To be clear no ma’am I would absolutely not remove anything because someone felt my “beat face” was vanity. How dare he be sooo enthralled in hisself that he spent the majority of the date showing how self absorbed he clearly is and then have the balls (for lack of a better word) to insinuate that she is vain for sprucing up. I commend her for “keeping it cute” because my blood would have boiled. “8 out of 10” may not be bad but that conceited attitude didn’t even put him on the scale. *queues Beyoncé best thing I never had* he threw up every red, blue, green and white sign that she dodged a bullet. It was certainly the date from hell. That’s enough to deter anyone from wanting to be back on the playing field of dating but I hope she doesn’t let that asshole (excuse my French) stop her from finding happiness again.

  3. This is why we love you doll……You hold no punches! lol I agree with you 1000% and 2nd…well 3rd the notion of her staying on the path to finding happiness again.Silver Lining time: Maybe it’s best she got one of the worst out of the way lol? Thank you so much for reading and responding MissTaniaB.

    1. I was appalled ok and had to give it straight with no chaser! He was past dead wrong. There isn’t very much out there that I hate but pompous assholes are sitting right next to people who aren’t humble! He qualified for both. I wish her the best and hopefully that was the bottom of the barrel and she keeps at it. No problem girl I enjoyed the read 🙂

  4. Let me just get this out of the way, he was rude and should absolutely NOT pass go and collect $200, period. Most phones come with a block feature, use it. He could call until hell froze over and wouldn’t receive any follow up from me. He was self serving. He wasn’t interested in her or getting to know her. He wanted an audience to unload on. If he didn’t like women with weaves and make up why didn’t he put in his profile he preferred natural women? I’m sure they exchanged photos before hand. So, he knew what he was walking into. So it was utterly ridiculous to request the removal of the makeup. However we do know some women truly do transform. However at some point you have to go beneath physical beauty and appreciate the inner beauty for something long term.

    Waiting for validation from someone who doesn’t matter was also unnecessary. You knew before the date ended that this was going no where. You validated yourself before you left the house. When he made his request would have been the straw to break the camels back. I would have kindly excused myself from the date and went my marry way. “You know, I see we aren’t a good match. I would like to say I had a good time, but….. Good night”. He was careless with his words and had no problem with spewing them. Not even taking a moment to think if it would hurt your feelings or offend you.

    Overall I would have promptly told him to kiss my behind and have a nice life. 8 out of 10? boy bye!✌️ he will drown in his narcissistic ways.

    1. He was such a jerk right? One of the problems would be giving people the pass to mistreat us if they are attractive. Is that not just as “vain” or shallow as him focusing on her looks; allowing it to continue bc of how he looks?

      I don’t blame the doll for her moves (The mob passes no judgement) but I definitely hope she moves differently the next go round.

      Thanks for reading and responding Tania!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s