Good Tuesday morning dolls!
It’s time for some good ol’ girl talk and I need my doll’s input today more than ever. While the letter is short and sweet and I am 100% sure of my opinion I am also sure that some people may feel differently and it’s important to give as many perspectives as possible. SO Get into today’s letter and let’s discuss.
I have been happily married to the man of dreams for 4 years now. We have our bad days like any other couple, but he is more patient with me and loyal to me than any man I’ve ever met. I’ve always dealt with cheating in the past and I may be a little “shell shocked” when it comes to infidelity because even though he has been more responsible with my heart than anyone I know I still find myself looking over my shoulder so to speak.
Last week we went to a gathering with some of his friends and co-workers. A close friend of his had started dating a new girl who he was excited for my hubby to meet for the first time. She seemed really friendly to both of us but particularly to my hubby. She even wanted to take pictures and asked me to get out of the photo so it was just him. Granted he is the friend of her new man so maybe she was just trying to get brownie points. I paid it. We had a good time, laughed etc. and “the new girl” even went out of her way to tell me how much she liked me. The next day my hubby told me the chick attempted to add him on Facebook. We paid it. He didn’t accept. A week later she’s in his inbox saying how she enjoyed seeing him blah blah blah and at the end of the long note that she sent to express how meeting him was so life altering she says “and your wife too”. AND THEN she tried to add him again.
I know I have a history of betrayal that I haven’t let go of quite yet but am I being insecure to think/feel this lady is out of line? She said she liked me so why is she just contacting my husband? I know you will give me the real. So let me know. Should I chill?
*sigh* Ok, in a situation such as this I can only tell you how I would feel or react. There’s really no right or wrong answer so I can’t promise my answer will be politically correct or correct at all lol. I will do my best to at least explain my perspective. I’m counting on my dolls to give us a little feed back as well so we can have a well rounded answer.
I’d be surprised if a woman or man these days could truthfully say they’ve made it through this love thing unscathed. We’ve all given our hearts to someone who didn’t appreciate and protect it like they should have. Some of us more than others but never the less heart break is something we can all relate to. As with other painful events some people allow their pain to ruin them to the point that they A)Can no longer allow people to love them B)can no longer love people and/or C) become the people who have caused them pain. At some point we have to honestly put the blame or responsibility where it belongs(where ever that is), learn from it. and keep it moving. Will you always be affected? More than likely, but the affects don’t have to drive you and your partner crazy. Take good notes, lock the notes away until someone tests you.
Now off the general stuff and on to the specifics…. Honey I for one do not play those games. First of all, she met you and your husband together as a couple. I don’t know how every one else handles their business but even if I meet your husband first and I meet you afterward, you are now my point of contact for the relationship. Of course, if it’s a situation where it’s an emergency and I can’t get a hold of you I may ask him to relay a message. OR If I needed to talk to him/her about something I would call you and do a “soft transfer”..Like” Hey baby! I need to ask Rod how to get my pearls out the sink…is he around?” But you don’t have to worry about me calling, texting, inboxing, DMing, or emailing your man/lady. I for one feel it’s out of line. That could be because I have been done dirty so I know how powerful and sometimes dangerous suspicion can be and I don’t want to be that in anyone’s relationship.
I actually had an incident similar to this a little while ago (because chicks be trying it on Facebook). I nipped it all in the bud by sending her a cute little message that politely said something like “you met us as a couple and while I’m not pressed for any new friends if you have no intentions to befriend us both there’s nothing poppin’ with just my baby.”
These days IN MY OPINION the word insecurity is more ambiguous than ever. Only because there are too many women in the world with little to no standards/morals. There used to be a day where women wouldn’t deal with a married man because it was disrespectful not only to the wife but to her. Now-a-days being a mistress is the new goal. Movies, Videos, Television shows, etc. show women kissing married men and telling them to tell the wife hello before they send them home. These are the type of women some of these chicks strive to be. All of them? No, but enough of them to justify you keeping your eye on what’s yours. Some people will say “it’s just Facebook”, those people obviously don’t know that 80% of the people on Facebook think it’s eharmony…
You felt like something was up the first day you met her and you still gave her and the situation a chance. Bravo! After which time “the new girl” continued to reach out to your husband and made you feel even more uncomfortable. Sometimes because we have been through certain things and we know it has “changed” us in some way when our intuition comes around we say it’s insecurity. Sometimes it is.
It’s funny how many people pretend that pretending they don’t care is a solution. But for who? Keeping it in so you’re not called insecure or you feel mature is not an accomplishment. It’s unhealthy. It’s not what you feel that makes you insecure/immature ……it’s how you react to your feelings. A wise man once said feelings are like kids….you can’t put them in the trunk…and you don’t want them to drive the car. Meaning, they deserve your attention and they have a rightful place but you have to know their place. If someone said they have never thought a guy/girl was after “bae” they are lying…we’ve all been there but because we’re different people we handle the situation differently.
I feel like this, every relationship is and should be as different as the people in it. You have to do what works for you. Obviously your husband felt uncomfortable or atleast felt your discomfort to even bring the information to you in the first place. Homegirl is outta line and if for no other reason because she’s making you and possibly your husband uncomfortable. Talk to your man about it to see where he stands (alot of the times they’re neutral), Be sure to clarify where you stand, and if the problem persists (or if you feel the problem has persisted enough) let her know (in a friendly way) that your husband will not be the target of her affection.
Hey, If you don’t draw the line who will? Yes, I am all about women who empower other women but first I am about you protecting and loving yourself until you fall in love with you. Don’t be nobody’s fool. You will surely be in a worse position if you allow it to continue and you stand by and constantly feel disrespected.
SO doll babies how’d I do? If you and your partner met someone of the opposite sex at the same time and they only decided to befriend your partner…..How would you feel and how would you handle it?
BTW Happy Holidays!!!!! 2 days until Christmas!