Greetings Doll babies…
And Happy Friday!
It’s been quite some time since we’ve had our girl talk session. It’s almost completely due to my schedule and the fact that there’s simply not enough time in a day. BUT Let’s not dwell, the point is today…we’re putting our heads together to come up with a sea of solutions for a doll in need.
Disclaimer: I am in no way a relationship expert. When submitting your letters to The Doll Mob know that you are going to get the opinions of non licensed, everyday women. If you are in need of professional or medical help I will gladly assist you with finding someone in your area.
Dear Doll Mob,
I am a young woman who has recently turned to online dating to fulfill something that I feel I had been missing in my “situation”. Yes, I am in a situationship and have been for quite some time.
Recently, I met a guy online who is sweet, successful, attentive, confident and all the other adjectives that describe the perfect guy. We went from chatting online to texting and the occasional phone call (very rarely). I find him to be refreshing and I enjoy our conversations. I understand that it could simply be excitement and scandal of it all that has my hypnotized, it’s just at this point I feel like I deserve to feel something. You don’t know how long I have been longing to get out of the monotonous and uninspired daily routine.
The last couple of days he has been a little distant. He never ignores me, he’s just slower to respond and not really initiating conversation as he was before. I read other articles online that said if you want to keep a guy’s attention you have to ignore him. I want to talk to him because his conversation was my “something”, but I don’t want to come across as the needy and insecure type. What should I do?
I look forward to your transparency and honesty.
A Woman In Need
Alrighty, This letter grabbed my attention for several reasons. The main heart string striker was her salutation “Sincerely, A woman in Need”. Now…for those who’ve never read a girl talk article(because it has been a while) I’d like to state on behalf of myself and my dolls that we The Mob reserves the right to keep it all the way 100. . We won’t tolerate any disrespect or bickering, however you will get our entire 2 cents so sayeth the mob.
So let’s start off with the fact that there are 2 issues or points that require attention in your letter. I’ll begin with the one you’re asking about because I legitimately can not stand when I go to a friend for advice about one thing and they start to tend to other parts of my business.
The main question seems to be “should you ignore a guy that you like to get his attention?” So without all the bush beating I’m going to go ahead and say “Girl……NO!”. I won’t say the articles you read were wrong I’ll just say we’re all grown (or you don’t need to be worried about finding, getting, nor keeping a boy let alone a man) so we don’t have times for games.
Listen, my philosophy is acting only benefits the audience…you can still feel what’s real. So based on that philosophy here’s why you don’t ignore a man to get his attention. The first flaw of this method is that it can and will eventually lead you to pushing the person you like away. If it’s early in the relationship you may want to be a bit unavailable. But no one likes to be rejected and men are creatures of pride and ego (Hell I am too). The last thing you want to do is send them into the arms of a bamboozling bimbo who will be just enough to take his mind off of you (even if momentarily). The second flaw is that it puts women in the mindset that all men are the same and therefore the same “tactics” work on all men. If you go into a relationship like that you’re bound to hit a dead end eventually. The saddest part won’t even be the dead end it would be that you didn’t take the time to enjoy the ride bc you thought you had been down that road before. #MESSAGE
So how do you get his attention? You pay attention to yourself. I repeat TO GET A MAN’S ATTENTION PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF. The articles you’ve read are more than likely (hopefully) saying that you want to seem unavailable which is going to give an impression that is the complete opposite of needy. Not that the key to a mans heart and mind is neglect. To add on to what I assume they are saying by referring to my philosophy “seeming” unavailable may get his attention eventually but it most definitely doesn’t make you feel any better. The truth is and please don’t take offense to this…you are trying not to seem needy because you are..and it’s ok. The only thing wrong with it is that you are relying on a perfect stranger to fulfill this need opposed to looking in the mirror and figuring this thing out.
It’s time to stop looking for a man and find yourself. What do you like to do? What things make you happy? When’s the last time you’ve bought yourself something or gone somewhere that doesn’t have anything to do with pleasing people, taking care of someone or making them like/love you? Take a moment to take a honest look at yourself and refuse to turn away until you see something as beautiful as you are.
It takes time to sort through our emotions and thoughts. As women we have a constant ever flowing river of ish to conquer emotionally and mentally. BUT the good thing about that is If you do it correctly, there will most definitely be times when you just can’t get right to your phone, or you’re too busy too text etc. EQUALLY IMPORTANT: When he does finally come around (which 96% do) you’ll be even more desirable than you were before because you’re in love with you. You’re happy to hear from him but just as happy to hear yourself think if he decided to make an unexpected exit. Do you want to appear carefree? No, you want to take time to work on being the woman you want to be without a man. Take my word for this one, it’s much better to spend your time loving on you. Pretending to be busy yet waiting for him to do the loving for you will leave you impatient and a bit resentful if they aren’t moving at your pace. .
Now that that’s taken care of in it’s entirety.
ISSUE # 2—->This situationship ish. Honey, listen….if you’ve had conversations with your partner where you’ve expressed your dissatisfaction and nothing has changed…you are no longer a victim. It is our responsibility to protect our happiness and peace of mind and the fact that you’re willing to stay in a situation that you are unhappy with says you need some loving…and not from a 2nd party. Instead of dealing with the issues you’re adding yet another emotional roller coaster to your life just so you can feel your heart beat fast. That may work…but it’s unhealthy.
Another activity you can be working on while figuring out this new guy….is figuring out what you’re even doing with the old guy. This could be why he has fallen back a bit. Maybe he likes you as well but he feels like he’s fighting a losing battle because of your attachment. Only some men would see “taking you from your man” as an effort worthy feat. I dare to say a good guy would want to want a woman who knows what she wants not one who he has to compete for. It may make a man or woman feel “successful” once they’ve gotten their trophy but remember trophies end up on shelves with other trophies.
In conclusion “A Woman In Need”, The only thing you need is you baby. You need your love, time, and attention. I completely understand your need to fulfill a need but we have to be weary of quick fixes. The only way to get the world to love you and maintain a life worth living is to fall in love with yourself.
Your turn dolls! Should you/Would you ignore a guy to get his attention? Have you tried it and did it work for you?